Alcohol can ruin a person’s mind, finances, career, and even relationships. An alcoholic can say or do things to someone they love without meaning to. It can be hard to mend a broken relationship but with hard work and effort from both people in the relationship, relationships can start anew.
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Sometimes, the damage is too much to be able to repair a relationship you cannot force forgiveness onto your partner. Being in recovery involves looking back at your past mistakes and thinking about the actions you can take going forward. In 12 Step meetings, you are told to make a list of all of the people you have wronged when under the influence and come up with ways to make it up to them.
You have the chance to build a new relationship with your spouse or partner that revolves around mutual trust and support. If your spouse is willing to forgive you, he/she can help you with your recovery whether it is attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings or going to couples counselling.
The things you say to your spouse or partner and the actions you take going forward are what are important. Instead of constantly telling your partner that you will change, be the change by making an effort. Find ways to establish honesty and trust between the two of you such as letting that person know you will be late when coming home.
Let your partner know that you accept full responsibility for every bad thing you did when under the influence to show you are willing to make an effort. You need to learn how to forgive yourself for your actions if you are going to expect other people to do the same. Also, let that person know that you are a great listener by really hanging on to every word that your partner is saying and then asking questions to show you were listening.
Because of all of the pain, frustration, lying, and hiding that occurred when alcohol played a role in your relationship, it may be hard to talk to your partner. If it is hard to say what you are feeling out loud, write it down in a letter, let your partner read it, and then you can get a letter back from your partner in return. More than anything, focus on being a better you not just for your partner but for yourself.
Smarmore Castle Private Clinic in County Louth, near Dublin, was founded in 1988 as a residential rehabilitation hospital treating people suffering from drug and alcohol purposes. Smarmore Castle believes in helping patients lead a life of abstinence through 12 Step programs, detox and medical treatment, psychotherapy, and complementary therapies. For more information, please call 041-214-5111. For those who live out of the country, the international number is 00353-41-214-5111.
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